Tuesday, November 19, 2013

9 days to go

After spending 33 months in Cambodia capacity building, I was told, having just delivered some training on ECG rhythm recognition, by the Doctor translating for me that he had similar training on this subject many times by various NGOs & overseas doctors but he still couldn't read an ECG because "You barangs are all the same, you come here, give just a little then go back to your own country taking all your knowledge back with you. You leave us with nothing". I was surprised & a little hurt that a local NGO worker, who knows me, had interpreted my actions & motives in this way.

I have observed in Cambodia that people with any training or education tend to guard it very closely to exert power & influence over others, most importantly they can use it to earn money with their unique & unshared knowledge. It is generally accepted that this is the culture of knowledge & education here, which can make cascade training a bit of a challenge. Of course this jealous guarding of information & knowledge extends far beyond Khmer culture but I can honestly say that as a volunteer & then as a consultant I hadn't consciously thought I had ever behaved in this way.

I have a good friend here who we frequently share the joke that I am just deliberately making him dependent on me by helping him so that when I leave he won't be able to manage without me but now, after this most recent character assassination, I am beginning to doubt my own motives when trying to help others.

Every day since being here I have persistently tried to share my knowledge & expertise with others. Every day I have been met with an overwhelming wall of resistance to change or lack of motivation to engage with or respect me. I have spent hours developing training materials that will never be used because the hospital did not have time to accommodate the training they asked for. I have turned myself inside out trying to present things in a way that is culturally palatable to some of the most arrogant, ignorant & difficult people I have ever worked with.

Had I known that it was expected that I would just keep all my knowledge, education, training, skills & experience to myself & then leave without doing anything meaningful or of any use, I could have saved myself an awful lot of time, money, effort & emotional energy.

Still I have 9 days to enjoy this feeling of liberation, knowing that the reason no one ever took any of my advice was because I was only expected to hold on to it, really tightly.





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