Warning this blog contains strong feminist sentiments & mild rage
One of my favourite people here in Cambodia told me yesterday that I should stay in Cambodia forever & that he would find me a husband. When I gave my standard response (it's not such a rare conversation for me to have here) that I am too old & all Cambodian men within a 10 year radius are married, I was told, in all seriousness, that he knew plenty of MBAs - 'married but available'. Once again (at least a daily experience here) I heard that familiar voice - it's an automated recorded public address system in my head - that tells me "please mind the culture gap".
I've been told by someone I respect greatly that there are no gender issues here in Cambodia & to him & every other older, white male that thinks the same, I say politely & respectfully - you are all very wrong. I love a good culture gap but when it effects women & children and prevents me being effective in my work then I begin to struggle to revel in human diversity.
I'm not sure where to begin listing all the ways that the gender culture gap impacts directly on me daily without turning this blog into a feminist rant but I will give a go.
Because I am lacking a 'y' chromosome nothing I say has any worth. Maybe this was also the case in the UK but it's only now that it has become apparent to me. Often a person with a 'y' chromosome will repeat what I have just said but without any training or experience and will be listened to because he is the 'right' gender. (This is a common experience among female NGO workers in the hospital & not my own paranoia honest!)
I was put in my placement because I am an emergency specialist to help develop a new ER. I graduated from medical school in 1996 & I got my fellowship from the college of emergency medicine in 2008 yet one of the staff from the NGO I work closely with wants to send trainee emergency doctors to my hospital (residents/SHOs/ST3 call them what you will) because they think it would be better then me to train the staff on emergency care - guess their gender (NGO worker & residents!)?
I have been at my hospital almost a year & still don't get invited to hospital management meetings as "what could you possibly know?" - another previous VSO volunteer was invited to every meeting right from the start of their placement - guess their gender?
A first year student nurse told me I didn't know anything about prescribing charts & blood transfusion during a training session. When I told them I had been qualified for 16 years & worked in 4 different continents so had seen prescribing & blood transfusions from a few different angles rather than his extensive 6 months training in one hospital - that didn't seem to cut it. Guess what gender?
My ex-VA told me they didn't consider me their manager but did consider the male volunteer I shared them with their manager. This, I was told, was because women weren't 'bosses' in Cambodia & my VA didn't like working for a woman as it made them uncomfortable & it wasn't right. This unsurprisingly impacted on my work. Guess the gender?
You get the point (I hope!)? I could go on but I'm boring even myself now. My irritation with some sexism in the workplace is not the issue however, what really enrages me is how Cambodian women are treated.
There are only 3 female doctors & 3 female medical assistants out of the 38 Doctors at my hospital but at the morning meetings they sit on plastic chairs around the periphery with all the female nurses, whilst the men (nurses, doctors, managers) sit around the table in chairs made from the decimated hard wood forests of east Cambodia. It reminds me of being back at primary school, pushed to the edges of the playground at break time whilst the boys dominated the space with football or british bulldog.
Globally male children tend to be given preferential access to education & health.
My ex-VA proudly wrote in an essay that Cambodia had the lowest rate of domestic violence in Asia. I was proof reading his work & had to point out to him that it was the lowest "recorded" rate of domestic violence but perhaps other Asian countries had more reliable systems to record it or that violence & abuse of women was not culturally or socially acceptable in those countries.
And then, this is where this rant has been heading from the start, we come to the sex trade. Never have I been to a place where the exploitation of women is so ingrained into the culture & acceptable, although it could be argued I am very poorly travelled.
Of course married men have girlfriends, of course all men go to karaoke (I'm talking 'beer girls', not innocent, bad singing), and naturally most men use prostitutes. I have had many an interesting conversation with cambodian men who simply can't understand what my problem is with this.
In their defense they tell me that they married their wives young & they weren't love matches. Often they tell me their wives aren't even educated past mid-primary school level therefore they are 'stupid'. 'Really?' I ask, or are they just lacking in opportunity & never had the chance to realize their own potential.
I knew from the start I was living in a patriarchal culture here but it took me a year to settle on the word that captures it better - 'misogynistic'.
Today I was given a Sampot for international women's day from the hospital. At the same time a colleague was told that perhaps because it was women's day she could put on a skirt & wear some makeup!
Next year a better present would be to know that globally all female children are educated to secondary school level, that money is spent on their health equal to their male siblings or they are allowed to be born without being terminated for being the wrong gender, that they are not forced into marriage, that they are not exploited & trafficked in the sex trade & that men realize that this goal is not detrimental or a threat to them. One of the biggest interventions to international child health is educating girls to grade 11 - their children (male & female) have significantly better health outcomes as a result.
I know some strong inspirational Cambodian women who are doing their best in a very difficult environment, may many more join them.
There is a book which I strongly recommend everyone to read - "Half the Sky"- Nicholas D Kristof & Sheryl Wudunn have explored all these issues with more knowledge, research & definitely a lot more eloquently than I ever could.
Meanwhile back to my marriage proposal - I told Dr H if he could find me a Cambodian man who wasn't threatened by an intelligent, independent women and who would not have multiple affairs, go to karaoke & use prostitutes. If he could find me a man who didn't exploit or disrespect women and was single, then I would marry them.
There was a pregnant pause.
Then laughing he told me "But Esther that's impossible - in Cambodia that man does not exist"
I rest my case.
I'm off to start reading Wangari Maathai autobiography - 'Unbowed - One Woman's Story' - Thanks Ingrid.
One of my favourite people here in Cambodia told me yesterday that I should stay in Cambodia forever & that he would find me a husband. When I gave my standard response (it's not such a rare conversation for me to have here) that I am too old & all Cambodian men within a 10 year radius are married, I was told, in all seriousness, that he knew plenty of MBAs - 'married but available'. Once again (at least a daily experience here) I heard that familiar voice - it's an automated recorded public address system in my head - that tells me "please mind the culture gap".
I've been told by someone I respect greatly that there are no gender issues here in Cambodia & to him & every other older, white male that thinks the same, I say politely & respectfully - you are all very wrong. I love a good culture gap but when it effects women & children and prevents me being effective in my work then I begin to struggle to revel in human diversity.
I'm not sure where to begin listing all the ways that the gender culture gap impacts directly on me daily without turning this blog into a feminist rant but I will give a go.
Because I am lacking a 'y' chromosome nothing I say has any worth. Maybe this was also the case in the UK but it's only now that it has become apparent to me. Often a person with a 'y' chromosome will repeat what I have just said but without any training or experience and will be listened to because he is the 'right' gender. (This is a common experience among female NGO workers in the hospital & not my own paranoia honest!)
I was put in my placement because I am an emergency specialist to help develop a new ER. I graduated from medical school in 1996 & I got my fellowship from the college of emergency medicine in 2008 yet one of the staff from the NGO I work closely with wants to send trainee emergency doctors to my hospital (residents/SHOs/ST3 call them what you will) because they think it would be better then me to train the staff on emergency care - guess their gender (NGO worker & residents!)?
I have been at my hospital almost a year & still don't get invited to hospital management meetings as "what could you possibly know?" - another previous VSO volunteer was invited to every meeting right from the start of their placement - guess their gender?
A first year student nurse told me I didn't know anything about prescribing charts & blood transfusion during a training session. When I told them I had been qualified for 16 years & worked in 4 different continents so had seen prescribing & blood transfusions from a few different angles rather than his extensive 6 months training in one hospital - that didn't seem to cut it. Guess what gender?
My ex-VA told me they didn't consider me their manager but did consider the male volunteer I shared them with their manager. This, I was told, was because women weren't 'bosses' in Cambodia & my VA didn't like working for a woman as it made them uncomfortable & it wasn't right. This unsurprisingly impacted on my work. Guess the gender?
You get the point (I hope!)? I could go on but I'm boring even myself now. My irritation with some sexism in the workplace is not the issue however, what really enrages me is how Cambodian women are treated.
There are only 3 female doctors & 3 female medical assistants out of the 38 Doctors at my hospital but at the morning meetings they sit on plastic chairs around the periphery with all the female nurses, whilst the men (nurses, doctors, managers) sit around the table in chairs made from the decimated hard wood forests of east Cambodia. It reminds me of being back at primary school, pushed to the edges of the playground at break time whilst the boys dominated the space with football or british bulldog.
Globally male children tend to be given preferential access to education & health.
My ex-VA proudly wrote in an essay that Cambodia had the lowest rate of domestic violence in Asia. I was proof reading his work & had to point out to him that it was the lowest "recorded" rate of domestic violence but perhaps other Asian countries had more reliable systems to record it or that violence & abuse of women was not culturally or socially acceptable in those countries.
And then, this is where this rant has been heading from the start, we come to the sex trade. Never have I been to a place where the exploitation of women is so ingrained into the culture & acceptable, although it could be argued I am very poorly travelled.
Of course married men have girlfriends, of course all men go to karaoke (I'm talking 'beer girls', not innocent, bad singing), and naturally most men use prostitutes. I have had many an interesting conversation with cambodian men who simply can't understand what my problem is with this.
In their defense they tell me that they married their wives young & they weren't love matches. Often they tell me their wives aren't even educated past mid-primary school level therefore they are 'stupid'. 'Really?' I ask, or are they just lacking in opportunity & never had the chance to realize their own potential.
I knew from the start I was living in a patriarchal culture here but it took me a year to settle on the word that captures it better - 'misogynistic'.
Today I was given a Sampot for international women's day from the hospital. At the same time a colleague was told that perhaps because it was women's day she could put on a skirt & wear some makeup!
Next year a better present would be to know that globally all female children are educated to secondary school level, that money is spent on their health equal to their male siblings or they are allowed to be born without being terminated for being the wrong gender, that they are not forced into marriage, that they are not exploited & trafficked in the sex trade & that men realize that this goal is not detrimental or a threat to them. One of the biggest interventions to international child health is educating girls to grade 11 - their children (male & female) have significantly better health outcomes as a result.
I know some strong inspirational Cambodian women who are doing their best in a very difficult environment, may many more join them.
There is a book which I strongly recommend everyone to read - "Half the Sky"- Nicholas D Kristof & Sheryl Wudunn have explored all these issues with more knowledge, research & definitely a lot more eloquently than I ever could.
Meanwhile back to my marriage proposal - I told Dr H if he could find me a Cambodian man who wasn't threatened by an intelligent, independent women and who would not have multiple affairs, go to karaoke & use prostitutes. If he could find me a man who didn't exploit or disrespect women and was single, then I would marry them.
There was a pregnant pause.
Then laughing he told me "But Esther that's impossible - in Cambodia that man does not exist"
I rest my case.
I'm off to start reading Wangari Maathai autobiography - 'Unbowed - One Woman's Story' - Thanks Ingrid.
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