The Kindness of Cambodians

I have a list - it is a list of my favourite Cambodians, sometimes when I am in a long and boring meeting, or having a day when some Cambodians are being less than kind, I play the game of trying to rank them. This is an impossible task because as previously discussed the good thing about Cambodia is you never know what it will throw at you next - so just when you have absolutely ranked one person as number one a outsider will do something spectacular and breath takingly kind which shoots them right up to pole position.

So in no particular order.

R is always high up. He is a doctor that works for URC - when the civil war was raging he worked in a hospital in Preah Vihear province - a khmer rouge stronghold, where the the only way to get in and out of the hospital was by plane (whilst being shot at). He is puzzled at the reluctance of hospital staff to take outsiders advice because in the 1990s he was happy to see any outsider brave enough to come to his hospital (MSF, Red Cross) and would welcome any advice they had to offer. Obviously things have changed. R is always high ranking on my list as he is one of the few Cambodians who has been openly cross with me (I think around sensitivities about his English - thanks UN for that - but I'll never be exactly sure), he has also told me what he thinks of me (mainly I am 'acceptable'!) and the only real difference between us is that I get to show my numerous frustrations and anger whereas R is imprisoned in the Cambodian hierarchy and saving face culture which means that when he snaps at me I could hug him. Last week he earned a medal of distinction for services to cheering up a disheveled capacity builder. I was in a meeting, before it had started I got cross, I went to leave, R intercepted me and calmed me down and made me stay, during the meeting he sat next to me - very close and leaning (a bit like our old Irish setter used to). Mid-meeting the obligatory snacks arrived - bananas wrapped in sticky rice and then a banana leaf and grilled - delicious. As I leaned over to take my second helping of delicious banana snack R whispered in my ear "you have me to thank for that - if you had stormed off in a huff then you would have missed out on the snacks" - very true and as I am sure you will agree nothing wrong with his sense of humour or english either!

Ry - another URC staff member - living proof that capacity building works although it doesn't necessarily mean they will stay in the Government system. Ry calls me "My doctor." He understands me when I attempt to speak khmer. He laughs (like a girl) at my jokes. He gives me hope that there are nurses here that care. He knows which part of the brain controls breathing. He calls J & G 'Mommy and Daddy' - his died when he was a teenager. J's job for 3 years now has been to capacity build him and mine appears to be to cheer him up by being silly.

S is my khmer teaching - previously blogged about. She tells me that she pities me (on a regular basis) which I have tried to explain is not so good but I think she only means it kindly. S has lots of advice about water, home security, food, how to work at the hospital, how to stop a nose bleed and other diverse and varied subjects. She gives advice (like her teaching) in an assertive and (as R describes me) aggressive manner. She tells me that I make her happy, grabs my cheeks and pinches them in a gesture of affection that makes my eyes water and I frequently get an urge to take her home.

Sk is a nurse that works in the hospital. On days when I am being particularly frustrated he would talk to me but in the absence of a translator I never really understood what he was trying to say. One particularly challenging morning I learnt that pii-bach-chet means stressed but other than that and sitting next to me at the presentation I went to (blog - living for the weekend) communication has been minimal. With V, my fantastic new VA, starting I have been able to have more in-depth conversations and so last week Sk told me not to take everything so personally. He could see it upset me when the nurses & doctors are rude or ignore me but through V he asked me to be patient and try not to take it as an insult. I was so stunned I had to ask V if he was translating or was that his own opinion. I was reassured that this was a direct translation and that it isn't just kind eyes that Sk has. I repaid him the nest day by telling him off for taking blood without washing his hands, re-capping a needle and not using gloves. The next day he told me - via my VA - that I looked beautiful. I replied - via my VA - that he could call me what he liked but I would still shout at him for re-capping a contaminated needle. Yesterday I saw him clutching his chest and a bag of GTN tablets - I only hope he is a victim of the some what questionable diagnostic and management skills here that I am meant to be capacity building.

Moto-driver - outside my house a man and his moto sits most days waiting for business. Every morning as I cycle to work he sits smoking his cigarette and gestures that I should get him to give me a lift. As I am already on a bicycle this causes him much hilarity. The highlight of this little daily exchange was a few weeks back when I came out of my house gates, crash helmet in hand and took him up on his offer of a lift to the bus station. He couldn't believe it and since this our morning exchange has been taken to a new level of hilarity and uncertainty.

N works for an NGO hospital and is a nurse. She is assertive, strong and feisty. I have spent time with her devising BLS courses and triage protocols but my respect and affection was cemented for her when I spent a week on a trauma course in Siem Reap. She ranks pretty high as the only Cambodian who I have told that I love! I suggested I should move in with her and she could be my Cambodian big sister (Bong S'rey) but she used some feeble excuse about her home being under 2 foot of water. In Siem Reap on the training the trainers course I gave a lecture on feedback. Now as I have previously mentioned positive feedback isn't a big (or any) part of Cambodian culture - so my suggestion that people need 5 bits of positive feedback before delivering 'constructive criticism' was a challenge. When practicing the new teaching techniques one instructor critiqued the teaching style and I critiqued the feedback given. When N gave feedback to one of the young male nurses she manages she was characteristically merciless & unforgiving. So this is the feedback I gave her, "N I really like and respect you, you are an excellent nurse, a natural teacher, professional, competent and committed but your feedback skills are useless!" I now find myself in meetings with her just putting up 5 fingers - her house, she tells me, remains flooded - funny that!

The entire family that run the Expresso Cafe - our friday evening haunt. The Dad is cute, the Mother is smiley, the daughter makes a wicked Pinu Caleda (sic), the sons have nice arms the grandson is gorgeous. When they increased their draft beer price to 75 cents they still give us, regulars, the old 50 cents price, you get free fruit platters and cakes, the people next door in the seeing hands massage place get concerned if I am sat alone and chat away to me in khmer - what's not to like?

Mr L runs the Cafe across the road from my house where there is the Thursday night film club, he is a natural host. When in passing I mentioned the rain had been so heavy that my roof had leaked he immediately wanted to go and speak with my landlady. I had to explain to him that talking about the weather was to an english person what asking you "where you go/been?" and "have you eaten rice/" is to a Cambodian for conversational tactics. When Mr L tells stories he does actions - I guess this makes him a natural children's TV presenter as well.

P from URC office is the cleaner, she has no english so helps with my mission to speak good khmer, but with the help of S I have conveyed the idea that P, S & I should have a girly session and all go to get our nails done together at the market. P brings the snacks and drinks to all the URC meetings and training events at the hospital. URC snacks are great, I think this may be one of the reasons I like her so much!

D the tuk tuk driver was immediately notable to Katie & I by his good english and non-hassling approach to acquiring customers. He has a fine collection of rhyming cockney slang that various tourists have taught him. He loves playing chess so when ever you are off doing something and come back to the tuk tuk you will always find him either near by watching a game or beating someone at chess. He is kind to children and tourists. He does a great trick with a seed pod and his brother has just taught him a new one with a piece of string. When you ask him how much? he always responds - what ever you think - which is working out quite well for him especially now my parents are visiting. He'll have that new tuk tuk very soon at this rate.

So I am in double figures and still could list the two great paediatricians from Siem Reap, the lady from the bicycle shed at the hospital, the giggling waitresses at the Gecko Cafe, the capitol bus station man, the anonymous woman that intercepted me at work about a skirt incident, allowing me to go home to change before an important meeting. The list goes on.....

I will continue to rank and re-hash the list to keep the positive thoughts going when the lower list ranking Cambodians are giving me a hard time and I am not feeling the love so much.