This Friday when I went to my Khmer teacher's house (Do you remember anything I teach you? she implored of me today - other people's disappointment really can sting) she was full of tales of a magical bed with an engine that cures all ails. Despite our colourful combination of pigeon english, khmer & charades I couldn't really understand what she was talking about, exasperated - a common emotion she has with me - she ordered me to bring a sheet to my lesson with her on Saturday morning & she would show me at 11 am - it is free even for Barangs she reassured me.
The following morning I dutifully turned up with a sheet & my khmer grade 2 text book. After my lesson where yet again I demonstrated that after a year I still can't read khmer, we went on a little walk to a local private clinic.
At the door was a man giving out laminated cards with numbers on them. My teacher & her neighbour, who was joining us on this explanatory journey, insisted on having cards 1, 2 & 3 which was odd as given that this is Cambodia & the order of numbers doesn't denote anything & certainly wouldn't guarantee that we would be secured a place on a magic bed first, second & third. It seems strange that I've lived here only 18 months & I know this, yet Sy has been here 60 years & still believes a Deli counter like numbered ticket system will work here. This was not the strangest thing to happen that morning however.
So in we go to a room that is packed with 50 people or more - at the front is a Japanese man & a khmer translator. What is he saying? I ask S as we sit down on the little plastic stools so ubiquitous here in Asia & for which I live in fear I will break if I sit on. Listen - she snapped - he is speaking in English. I was pretty sure it was Japanese but I've learnt a long time ago not to argue with her.
By now I am attracting attention from the 50 plus Cambodians sat listening to the Japanese man preaching the magical properties & virtues of the electric bed, as well as the 30 Cambodians strapped to the magical beds with their BYO sheets & blankets. Who is she they all murmur some near Sy ask her directly - my student she replies. A Japanese man from the magical bed marketing team comes up to me & asks me if I am "an American lady?" He may as well of said what he was really thinking 'my, you are very obese! Are you sure that little blue plastic stool can take your weight?' Primly I replied I was english - but in khmer because for some reason this made me feel better about being the unwilling receiver of a lot of Cambodia attention.
The talk ended & there some chanting, call & response & punching of the air, which was all very confusing & bewildering. The magical bed users started to remove their electrodes & the man at the front - the Cambodian translator - shouted down the microphone repeatedly "HELLO BARANG!"
I was the only Barang in the room so pretending I hadn't heard & disappearing into the floor wasn't an option. I waved politely & smiled back secretly believing that Sy had orchestrated this whole scenario to punish me for being such a bad student.
There was then a great push forwards for the next 30 people to try (for free!) the magical beds with its incredible healing properties. Shockingly our laminated cards with 1, 2 & 3 on did not secure us a bed in the next sitting. Sy rushed to the front to try & push in, for someone so small she is really rather fierce & forceful, whilst I was restrained from following her by the toothless lady to my left who clearly had English queuing sensibilities.
Everyone stared at the strange, fat barang. I said in khmer to Sy that I had to go home because P & S were due round for there English lesson so I didn't have time to wait another 40 minutes - all the time that is needed for the magical bed to work its magic. It was with deep satisfaction that I noted that the gawping masses had understood my spoken khmer but were also looking at me as if I had gone from being an obese american lady to a talking dog.
I made a sharp exit.
The next day Sy was full of tales of the magical bed - she had waited an hour for a bed. It cures diabetes, joint problems, intestinal conditions & headaches. Sy could detect my cynicism. I spent half my khmer lesson explaining to her what a randomised controlled double blind trail was but I was talking to a woman who believes in ghosts, ancestral spirits, lucky phone numbers, traditional medicine & laminated numbered cards work in Asia for queuing.
When you're a stranger - everything is strange.....................
No comments:
Post a Comment