Engaging with the locals

Having sworn of all weddings last year, my life has turned into a string of nuptials and last weekend I experienced my first Cambodian engagement ceremony. It started early as I am living in the land of early starts, if not early attendances.

Pete, Edwin, Kim & myself presented to Neil's (future groom) Phnom Penh flat - his pseudo-brothers & sisters along with his real parents, where we all received a dowry offering to present to the Wattey's (future bride) family. The father of the groom & Neil carried the lychee-like fruit as they are a symbol of wealth. Pete & I carried apples, which was mildly disappointing as I had been hoping to replicate the Dirty Dancing classic line - "I carried a water melon" - alas it was not to be, they are too big for the basket & perhaps do don't represent any of the attributes required from a potential suitor here in Cambodia. Which to my knowledge seem to be three things, money, money & money!

Quite literally bearing fruit, we processed (after a short Taxi drive) to Whattey's waiting family where we all sat down in their living room for the ceremony. The Whattey family matriarch sat opposite us looking very hard to impress. Kim & I, as female foreigners, were allowed to cross our legs (in Cambodian society it is polite to sit with your legs to one side, soles of feet are highly offensive) but despite this, after an hour or more of engagement negotiation, I was still completely numb from the waist down. Meanwhile the Yay (grandmother) & Min (aunts) of the family all leapt up - agile & flexibility are in the Cambodian genes.

Chum Noon - a woman's worth measured in fresh produce

The ceremony itself was focused around the two sets of parents agreeing that their son & daughter were a good match. Birth date is important but luckily Whattey was born in the year of gold, in the month of silver & on the day of happiness. All Cambodian brides are born on this day apparently.

The parents drink tea & do something with a leaf & a fruit - I was lacking translation at this point - & then Neil is presented quietly sweating away in his silk traditional khmer jacket. Then Whattey was presented all demure & beautiful with not a bead of sweat on her. When she sat down infront of her parents her Mother was tugging at her sampot to cover a good half inch of still exposed ankle. She bowed deeply three times to both sets of parents - Neil was I think it is fair to say less elegant. They exchanged rings & then Neil tried to kiss Whattey who responded with every fibre of her being with this non-verbal message "NO! Not in front of my Yay & aunts you idiot!" This and the sampot tugging were my personal highlights of the ceremony.

Then followed a long lunch with beer, wine & whisky. Our table drank the wine & beer whilst 'the Uncles' sat on the table next to the 4 litre bottle of whisky (x2). The Uncles piled out of the house mid-afternoon (destination unknown), the women went to rest & change outfits whilst the barangs discussed anglo-irish relations rather than irish-cambodians relations.

The beer & wine drinking blended into more food & the Men of the family staggered back from destination unknown slightly worse for wear & requiring facilitation to walk. Then the music started & of course the dancing.

The dancing was lubricated by the Uncles drinking more whisky & the aunts playing a drinking game that required downing full glasses of wine. Neil's future mother-in-law came over to our table & filled his glass up to the rim & before he could thank her the mob of aunties were demanding he downed it in one. They then went around the table (three times) demanding we downed our drinks. We soon realised dancing was a safer option.

On the dance floor one of the Aunties showed me the steps to a complicated khmer modern dance which I obviously wasn't drunk enough to learn previously at the Hospital Khmer New Year Party this year. She held in her hand a glass of red wine with the paper from the bottle top stuck to its rim - when I asked her why she told me she had already had too much to drink so it was to stop people pouring her more. I have to be honest I don't think as a method it was very effective.

When the Uncles had finally had enough whisky & collapsed our taxis' were called. I think it is fair to say we had all put in a considerable effort to eat & drink & dance as much as possible & we were all extremely merry.

Kim dancing with the Father of the bride-to-be, whisky had been consumed

Mother of the bride-to-be - red wine had been consumed

Uncle of the bride-to-be - or the General as he is known

Aunt & Uncle of the bride-to-be with some intoxicated Barang

The happy engaged couple

The Fathers

Pete (pseudo-brother to Neil), Phillip (Father of Neil), Eleanor (Mother of Neil) & Kim (pseudo-sister to Neil)

Dowry - 'Cake', rice & pork wrapped in banana leaf

Yay - the boss & whose opinion really matters

Kim with Whattey's Big brother - he's 29 years old would you believe it?

Neil with his new in-law brother

Neil didn't want the evening to end so with a goodie bag of left over beers & a musical selection from Pete's iPad we found ourselves doing laps of Wat Phnom until finally giddy & replete went home to face our enormous hangovers the next day.

After the wedding I am booking into rehab......