It's fair to say at the moment I am feeling a bit
of a failure - both professionally & personally - so it came as a surprise
that I managed to see my latest setback in a positive light. My VA has handed
in his notice. Afterwards I cycled home thinking about the massive problem this
poses for me (I currently don't have a work-plan for the coming year & now
no VA to negotiate or translate a plan or time in the next month to recruit a
new one) it occurred to me - surely I must hold the record for the volunteer
who has had the most VAs in a single placement (I am in search now for my 4th).
I may be a failure - but I am a record breaking failure.
I don't blame the boy for leaving, he recently lost
the best bit about his job which was working the other half of his time with
the lovely Kristy. She left a month ago, back to sunny Australia & he has
been pretty gloomy since (To be fair so have I). Working with Kristy half
the time he got to sit in a AC lab - translating documents with not much verbal
interpretation & translation, he got on with the lab staff - especially the
pretty, young ones.
With me his job is slightly different. We walk the
length & breadth of the hospital in search of staff to capacity build. He
soon learnt that his smart, metrosexual shoes gave him blisters from all the
walking he does with me so for the half days he is with me he now wears flip
flops.
When we find staff - they are often mean &
hostile to us. He tends not to translate what they are saying if it is very
bad, but only a small part of communication is verbal, so I usually get the
message. I make him say challenging things to the staff, I sometimes disagree
with their management, I make more work for them with my suggestions, I
question the status quo, I rock the boat - he absolutely hates translating for
me. Part of the problem is that he is not from a medical background so can not
always understand the medical khmer which is used. Also he is young (21) &
an english/management student who has a very limited biological/sciences
background. Then there is the added complication of doctors half talking &
writing in french. It renders most of the conversations (especially in
meetings) impossible for my (ex)VA to translate. Imagine how unintelligible an
average English doctor can be when they are on a medical jargon roll, then put
that to the power 10 & that is my VAs nightmare.
When I do training even the URC nurses &
doctors that I work with sometimes struggle to translate some of the concepts
into Khmer from my English. I'm beginning to lose the ability to communicate in
simple English & unfortunately it hasn't been replaced by Khmer or French.
Without adequate communication I am nothing.
Then if that wasn't enough with his blistered feet,
injured feelings & bruised language skills, I then drag him to see
bleeding, dying, suffering, distressed, seriously ill patients in smelly,
dirty, appalling wards. And when the staff don't listen & are rude, and
when the patients die needlessly and when it is all too much for me, I ask him "why?",
because he isn't just my translator he is also my cultural guide. He doesn't
have the answers & as he has written in this blog previously he feels the
same way as me.
He does all this for $120 a month (part time). He
tells me his new job is his "dream job". Unspoken in that statement
is that this one is his absolute worst!
So you see I can completely understand why he is
leaving - if I wasn't so stubborn & not a quitter I'd be right behind him.
So I am looking for a cheerful, resilient Cambodian
- preferably from a medical background, with good English & medical French,
who is confident, can put up with a lot of hassle from hospital staff & me,
has good interpersonal skills & doesn't mind the worst boss in the world or
doing the worst job in the world for a modest salary. Comfortable shoes are essential. All applicants will be
considered.
Blimey Esther, I'm feeling for you. I would say take a break but you've probably had enough of those over the last couple of months. Good luck recruiting your next VA, maybe they will be the one to unlock everything for you...
ReplyDeleteDear Esther
ReplyDeleteI'm a friend of your friend Ruth and I've been reading your blog avidly more or less since you started. I've been tempted, often, to comment but not really had anything to say except 'thankyou'. I think your blog is absolutely outstanding. I really sympathise with all the challenges you are facing, and all I can say really is that I deeply admire your commitment, energy, passion for your work and for patients, your drive to make things better, and your honesty in writing about it all so brilliantly. And no-one with your level of honesty and self-awareness (and humour!) could be thought of as a failure. I am amazed that you stick at it, and also not surprised at all. We're all drops in the ocean, and it's hard to see what our efforts might add up to in the end. Even if you only achieve a tenth of what you aim for there, that's way better than not being there. And also, you don't really know what long-term waves you might be helping to create with your ripples (for example, you've had an impact on me, and you didn't know it til now...) It's not an argument for keeping on when your efforts really do seem pointless; but from the outside at least, I'm really glad you're there, doing what you do and being the person you are.
Hi Esther,
ReplyDeleteDanny Murphy (VSO Cambodia 2010-11) - I picked up your blog from Sam and Gilly's site and agree with all the previous comments, especially Ellie's last sentence (and I don't know her either!!) We none of us know what the longer term influence of our volunteering might be.. It is an act of faith. Your previous VA (who in the short term just wants a better job) might end up in 20 years' time as the Governor of the Province and the time spent with you might be the formative experience for him in deciding what kind of public service Cambodia needs. Cambodia needs you, needs your standards and needs your faith.
Your writing is quite superb.. it really catches the urgency and disorder of daily life. The 12 hour evacuation saga gave the most accurate insight into life in Cambodia as experienced by a moderately sane British person with public service values that I have ever read!!
For me, capacity building sometimes means modelling the behaviour you want to see in others - not just hoping that they will do the right thing. So keep up the good work (I know that's a bit of a chiche). You're a VSO star!
When I started writing this blog it was simply to inform my friends & family what I was getting up to in Cambodia. It rapidly became a kind of therapy for me. My only regret is that I hadn't started this sooner - it may of helped me through my 5 years of emergency medicine training.
ReplyDeleteOften I feel that I'm just screaming into the abyss (x-ref the film Garden State) so its always a surprise & a delight when the abyss answers back - especially saying such kind, lovely things. Sorry Sam, Ellie & Danny you appear to be the abyss in this analogy when what I actually wanted to say to you is THANK YOU - it means alot.