A conversation I had with a Cambodian colleague resonated with me after certain events this week.
Dr C (x-ref 'suffering doesn't have to be fun bit it helps') works for an NGO hospital and also trains government staff at a hospital which he affectionately refers to as a 'hot spot'. Dr C is an excellent physician, would have preferred to studied english literature & be a teacher and is Cambodian. Sharing the common ground of us both being doctors that 'advise' in government hospital 'hot spots' I find myself looking to him for guidance to navigate these stormy waters.
The last time we met, a few weeks ago, I asked him how is was going at his 'hot spot' - he grimaced and told me it had been going quite well but 3 months ago something had happened to rock the boat. One of the nurses from the government hospital had applied for and got a job at the NGO hospital Dr C works for. This had caused a degree of consternation among the staff at 'hot spot' and one person in particular who felt that the NGO were deliberately poaching their good staff.
Now Dr C had been given fore-warning of this impending mutiny so the next time he visited 'hot spot' he was prepared. He told me that just looking at the disgruntled government doctors face and could tell that he still was angry at him & the NGO - so he did what any self respecting Cambodian would do - he saved face and ignored it.
My western sensibilities twitched at this - surely if someone had an issue with you, you would address it, confront them, put matters right, straighten out any misunderstanding, not allow matters to spiral out of control, fix the problem, find the solution etc. etc. etc........
Dr C went on to tell me that on returning the following month he found that the disgruntled individual was still angry with him and continued to ignore him. However other staff were still receptive so he carried on his course and continued saving face.
At this point in the conversation I expressed my desire that if I was him I would have to sort out the problem directly. He frowned at me then smiled pitifully. "Esther" he reassured me, "If this month there is still a problem I will talk to the hospital director and arrange a meeting."
"But it already been 3 months!" I exclaimed impatiently.
This is when I was educated in the virtue of patience. Dr C explained to me that if a person is angry the best thing to do is to just wait until they had calmed down, have had time to reflect and came to their own conclusion that it wasn't Dr C's fault the nurse had left. Addressing the problem head on would only lead to cross words which then can't be retracted. Dr C knows that he isn't responsible for the nurse leaving and with the disgruntled person in such a state of anger any conversation about it would just be fruitless.
"Sometimes Esther the best action is inaction - you should be patient." I was wisely told.
So this week after a rocky start I have decided to take Dr C's advice. I am going to sit back, keep my mouth shut, wait to see what happens, float rudderless and just try to be patient.....
n.b all boat references are subconscious and most likely due to Battambang's water festival.
Dr C (x-ref 'suffering doesn't have to be fun bit it helps') works for an NGO hospital and also trains government staff at a hospital which he affectionately refers to as a 'hot spot'. Dr C is an excellent physician, would have preferred to studied english literature & be a teacher and is Cambodian. Sharing the common ground of us both being doctors that 'advise' in government hospital 'hot spots' I find myself looking to him for guidance to navigate these stormy waters.
The last time we met, a few weeks ago, I asked him how is was going at his 'hot spot' - he grimaced and told me it had been going quite well but 3 months ago something had happened to rock the boat. One of the nurses from the government hospital had applied for and got a job at the NGO hospital Dr C works for. This had caused a degree of consternation among the staff at 'hot spot' and one person in particular who felt that the NGO were deliberately poaching their good staff.
Now Dr C had been given fore-warning of this impending mutiny so the next time he visited 'hot spot' he was prepared. He told me that just looking at the disgruntled government doctors face and could tell that he still was angry at him & the NGO - so he did what any self respecting Cambodian would do - he saved face and ignored it.
My western sensibilities twitched at this - surely if someone had an issue with you, you would address it, confront them, put matters right, straighten out any misunderstanding, not allow matters to spiral out of control, fix the problem, find the solution etc. etc. etc........
Dr C went on to tell me that on returning the following month he found that the disgruntled individual was still angry with him and continued to ignore him. However other staff were still receptive so he carried on his course and continued saving face.
At this point in the conversation I expressed my desire that if I was him I would have to sort out the problem directly. He frowned at me then smiled pitifully. "Esther" he reassured me, "If this month there is still a problem I will talk to the hospital director and arrange a meeting."
"But it already been 3 months!" I exclaimed impatiently.
This is when I was educated in the virtue of patience. Dr C explained to me that if a person is angry the best thing to do is to just wait until they had calmed down, have had time to reflect and came to their own conclusion that it wasn't Dr C's fault the nurse had left. Addressing the problem head on would only lead to cross words which then can't be retracted. Dr C knows that he isn't responsible for the nurse leaving and with the disgruntled person in such a state of anger any conversation about it would just be fruitless.
"Sometimes Esther the best action is inaction - you should be patient." I was wisely told.
So this week after a rocky start I have decided to take Dr C's advice. I am going to sit back, keep my mouth shut, wait to see what happens, float rudderless and just try to be patient.....
n.b all boat references are subconscious and most likely due to Battambang's water festival.
No comments:
Post a Comment