Rules of the road

In one of my early blogs I eluded to the Cambodian traffic rules or lack of them. Well it’s been 6 months and I think I now have a clearer understanding of what some of these at first mysterious rules of the road might be.

1)   As a pedestrian – except that you are not safe, EVER. Even if there is a pavement and it hasn’t been blocked off my chains (yes German Embassy that includes you) or a 4x4 Lexus or motos or extensions of shops and you are actually walking on it. Motos or cars will think nothing of mounting the pavement INFRONT of your path because going behind you and not stopping you in your tracks or actually running over your foot (this has happened to me once in PNH) does not appear to be an option here in South East Asia.

2)   Pedestrians when crossing the road just look straight ahead and keep walking. The traffic will move around you but should you stop or anticipate other road users actions, you will be hit.

3)   Use your horn/bell as much as possible. This over use of an auditory warning allows the driver of said vehicle to execute as many dangerous and reckless manoeuvres as possible. In the event of an accident – you had been warned.

4)   Do not ‘park’ – abandon your vehicle in the road, people can drive around it.

5)   Don’t use your mirrors, do not signal – just manoeuvre. This is particularly important when pulling away from a stationary position into heavy flows of traffic and when reversing.

6)   Cars/Motos – leave your indicator on. In an already erratic and unpredictable stream of traffic it is always good to confuse other road users. Of course if you really do want to turn left – switch it off.

7)   Always overtake someone who is indicating that they are turning left. Its important to cut people up when they are turning left even if the rest of the right hand side of the road is entirely clear for you and you could have safely undertaken them.

8)   Always undertake someone who is indicating that they are turning right. I refer to point 7).

9)   When overtaking try to get as close as possible to the vehicle you are passing. If possible if you can make connect with the vehicle or body of the cyclist that is even better.

10)If you have a trailer or wide load– do not allow for the extra width when overtaking. This is most fun if your wide load is at head height of a cyclist or moto driver.

11) On a 2-lane road it is perfectly acceptable to double or even triple the amount of lanes available to road users. However which direction the lanes are going in is completely optional. No need to be limited by the convention of driving on the right side of the road.

12) Driving directly at on coming vehicles is completely acceptable see          point 11)

13) Tuk Tuk drivers, if a Barang is cycling ask them if ”You want tuk tuk lady?” – just because they already clearly have an alternative form of transportation that shouldn’t stop you harassing them.

14) 4x4 Lexus drivers – it is essential that you drive like a complete twat

15) Bus drivers at all times drive as if the lives of 45 innocent passengers are not your ultimate responsibility, hence

·      Overtake on bends and brows of hills

·      If you have a straight road then underestimate the overtaking distance required

·      Overuse of horn is essential and should increase in direct proportion to the delicateness of passengers on board

·      Drive very fast  irrespective of road conditions

·      When encountering a slow moving vehicle wait until the very last moment before performing an emergency stop like reduction in speed

·      Drive on the opposite side of the road for no reason – especially if there are oncoming vehicles

16) The hierarchy of the road is as follows

1st.        Cow not due to any deep reverence to cows just because they can     do a lot of damage to your Lexus

2nd.      4x4 Lexus/Toyota

3rd.       Bus

4th.        Lorry

5th.        Taxi

6th.        Car

7th.        Moto

8th.        Horse/ox & cart

9th.        Cyclist

10th.    Pedestrian

However at the intersection between national highway 5 and my road to work I have tested this and think that a barang on a bicycle can easily take on a bus or lorry – I have had less success with the Lexus or cows.

17) If you follow all of the above rules of the road the Police can & will still find reason to stop you and try to get money out of you regardless.