In an attempt to get some sleep - dogs, monks, karaoke, night time storms, mice have all been conspiring to rob me of my 6 hours recently - I have taken to some desperate measures. These have included moving out of my house - the noise unfortunately just followed me. And purchasing some strong sedatives to see if I could sleep for more than a couple of hours in one night.
The result is that I have slept well enough but I am now externally blunted. By this I mean I am still, expressionless, muted, move slowly, forget what I was going to say, don't express any anger or irritation. From the outside I look calm if still a little tired - I have dark circles under my eyes as well as multiple bags & wrinkles.
Inside however is a different story - I am beside myself with sleep deprivation, frustration & agitatation, anxious & negative about my future. My heart feels like it is physically breaking into tiny little pieces every time I think about leaving Cambodia. This internal turmoil causes chest pains, hyperventilation & water to leak out of my disconnected eyes.
Lorazepam would not be my first drug of choice for agitation perhaps NICE should look into the evidence base for a nice cup of tea, a big hug & some sympathy. Can't seem to get any of these in Cambodia however. So I will to find a way to get some sleep via an alternative method which doesn't leave me so brain dead whilst my heart tries to escape from my chest, unrestrained by reason because it's in the hot tub with the lorazepam.
The result is that I have slept well enough but I am now externally blunted. By this I mean I am still, expressionless, muted, move slowly, forget what I was going to say, don't express any anger or irritation. From the outside I look calm if still a little tired - I have dark circles under my eyes as well as multiple bags & wrinkles.
Inside however is a different story - I am beside myself with sleep deprivation, frustration & agitatation, anxious & negative about my future. My heart feels like it is physically breaking into tiny little pieces every time I think about leaving Cambodia. This internal turmoil causes chest pains, hyperventilation & water to leak out of my disconnected eyes.
Lorazepam would not be my first drug of choice for agitation perhaps NICE should look into the evidence base for a nice cup of tea, a big hug & some sympathy. Can't seem to get any of these in Cambodia however. So I will to find a way to get some sleep via an alternative method which doesn't leave me so brain dead whilst my heart tries to escape from my chest, unrestrained by reason because it's in the hot tub with the lorazepam.
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