The sign above was in our hotel room in Laos. It is not an unfamiliar site here in Asia. It elicits a particular response in me 1) Jean & I only ever stay in the most salubrious places & 2) Men all over the world can't seem to keep it in their pants.
I should start with a conversation I had only yesterday with my lovely VA, he is young but very wise.
Me - V how do you feel when you see a barang* man with young Cambodian woman?
VA - I think it is a kind of sex tourism.
Me - So do you think that it is all just sex tourism?
VA - No, you can not say that 100% of it is sex tourism but mostly it is. In fact it is very rare to see a true love match without a financial gain also being involved.
And that is why he is my lovely VA - his ability to put into words, of his second language, concepts & realities that I struggle, with my irritability, to even express & which sometimes even keep me up at night.
A similar conversation, with the lovely R, was regarding a westerner who has a khmer girlfriend - his conclusion "She is only with him for his money - Esther!"
This whole situation really depresses me for some reason. To be in the 21st century and women are still a commodity that are bought & sold makes me very angry (6 on the VAS for anger!). Are all women really just chattels?
Then I've had this conversation with barang males, they think its ok to have sex with Cambodians as long as you don't pay for it - as if the physical transaction of giving someone dollar notes is the only power play in that particular equation. The naivety or ignorance of this makes me want to scream.
I often get told that going to Karaoke is just a bit of harmless fun - I'm sure the girls that work here who are paid to be groped & exploited by drunk men are also having lots of fun earning a living wage to support themselves & their families.
There is no doubt that even without foreign 'investment' the sex trade would still be going strong here in Asia. However it is the added dimension to this that the barang (mainly male) brings that vexes me because they, after all, are visitors & therefore have choices.
Remove the sex trade from the equation & there are still huge issues around a barang having a Cambodian girlfriend. There are many cultural differences that exist around sex before marriage, virtue, prospects of marriage, financial security, family bonds, respectability, reputation, status, standing in the community - the list goes on.
I am not denying that a beautiful, compliant, asian woman is, by far, a more attractive alternative than a middle aged, obese, opinionated european that won't iron your shirts. That is not my 'beef'. There is a power imbalance that disturbs me greatly.
Now of course I do know some barang males in relationships with Cambodian women who are aware of all the cultural differences & are sensitive to all these issues. They are aware that their actions have consequences. They, as V quite rightly stated, are rare.
One good friend of mine describes him & his girlfriend being in a cardboard box of cultural restraints which they slowly & gently push against to give themselves more space without smashing through. He is an extraordinary barang.
Most barangs however are not getting it - but perhaps that is because they are 'getting it'.
I often get told that going to Karaoke is just a bit of harmless fun - I'm sure the girls that work here who are paid to be groped & exploited by drunk men are also having lots of fun earning a living wage to support themselves & their families.
There is no doubt that even without foreign 'investment' the sex trade would still be going strong here in Asia. However it is the added dimension to this that the barang (mainly male) brings that vexes me because they, after all, are visitors & therefore have choices.
Remove the sex trade from the equation & there are still huge issues around a barang having a Cambodian girlfriend. There are many cultural differences that exist around sex before marriage, virtue, prospects of marriage, financial security, family bonds, respectability, reputation, status, standing in the community - the list goes on.
I am not denying that a beautiful, compliant, asian woman is, by far, a more attractive alternative than a middle aged, obese, opinionated european that won't iron your shirts. That is not my 'beef'. There is a power imbalance that disturbs me greatly.
Now of course I do know some barang males in relationships with Cambodian women who are aware of all the cultural differences & are sensitive to all these issues. They are aware that their actions have consequences. They, as V quite rightly stated, are rare.
One good friend of mine describes him & his girlfriend being in a cardboard box of cultural restraints which they slowly & gently push against to give themselves more space without smashing through. He is an extraordinary barang.
Most barangs however are not getting it - but perhaps that is because they are 'getting it'.
* Barang - Khmer for french but commonly used to refer to a foreigner.
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