I have upset my brother-in-law & best friend by telling their offspring my perceived words of wisdom - life is a series of disappointments. This wisdom has been cemented by living for over a year in Cambodia & working as a volunteer. It really does help prepare you for disappointment & failure, something as simple as ordering an iced coffee can be fraught with unexpected results & ultimate disappointment. Richard & Penny think that I am being negative & pessimistic as well as a bad influence (well at least I think this is their objection) but it is actually for me a very positive & realistic outlook to have. I have become much more accepting of my fate & realize now that very rarely will things ever work out the way one hopes or plans.
So this philosophy has stood me in good stead for the week that I have just had - or as my Khmer teacher would say (thanks to Geordie & not me, I hasten to add) - I have had a shit week.
It started off bad (see A Reflective Writing Practice Blog) and continued to descend into a series of professional & personal disappointments - thank heavens for low expectations.
The low point would have to be this Thursday when I made the big mistake of going to the Paediatric ward to cheer myself up, only to find a 2 year old girl gravely ill in the emergency ward. She had been admitted at 8 am that morning (it was now 11 am). Her notes were blank & there was no doctor on the ward - they were at a wedding party. When V & I arrived there was no nurse with her. I spoke with the family who told me she had been sick for 3 days & had been diagnosed with typhoid at their local health centre but whatever the source of infection now she had overwhelming sepsis. Despite no history, examination or management plan being documented in her notes (the irony of this being that frequently the notes will have observations for the next day in them) she had been recieved antibiotics, steriods, fluid & a nebuliser. She was in severe respiratory distress & with help from V we sat her up & administered oxygen which seemed to help her work of breathing but then she started to show signs of pulmonary oedema. With no facility to invasively monitor her or intubate her I reached a dead end of what else I could do for her. However we did endeavour to get the head doctor to come & review her.
As we left the ward V asked me "When would you intervene & take over rather than just advise?" - that made me feel particularly great. The truth is that in medicine no one ever works alone, as part of a team there is not one person who 'saves a life'. Without basic nursing care, continuing medical management & resources the outlook was grim.
We returned an hour later to find the all to familiar & sickening sight of an empty bed, V like my old VA failed to understand the significance (x-ref comment at the end of Curve Ball Blog) & when he asked was upset when the nurses just laughed and told him the little girl had died.
We went to our office, I showed him the Curve Ball Blog, he took photos of me wearing J's glasses which he then posted on K's facebook wall with the message below;
"She is trying to cheer herself up after hearing that one child died without any attention from too busy nurses and doctors(busy or lazy?) I also want to show my upset face but no one took picture for me. If people think about one rule" treat other as we want to be treated" it refers to that if we want life. Other also needs life. Help other people as we want to be helped. Human must be full of mercy and compassion. Please not be too selfish. We have virtue, our image is as god's."
So this philosophy has stood me in good stead for the week that I have just had - or as my Khmer teacher would say (thanks to Geordie & not me, I hasten to add) - I have had a shit week.
It started off bad (see A Reflective Writing Practice Blog) and continued to descend into a series of professional & personal disappointments - thank heavens for low expectations.
The low point would have to be this Thursday when I made the big mistake of going to the Paediatric ward to cheer myself up, only to find a 2 year old girl gravely ill in the emergency ward. She had been admitted at 8 am that morning (it was now 11 am). Her notes were blank & there was no doctor on the ward - they were at a wedding party. When V & I arrived there was no nurse with her. I spoke with the family who told me she had been sick for 3 days & had been diagnosed with typhoid at their local health centre but whatever the source of infection now she had overwhelming sepsis. Despite no history, examination or management plan being documented in her notes (the irony of this being that frequently the notes will have observations for the next day in them) she had been recieved antibiotics, steriods, fluid & a nebuliser. She was in severe respiratory distress & with help from V we sat her up & administered oxygen which seemed to help her work of breathing but then she started to show signs of pulmonary oedema. With no facility to invasively monitor her or intubate her I reached a dead end of what else I could do for her. However we did endeavour to get the head doctor to come & review her.
As we left the ward V asked me "When would you intervene & take over rather than just advise?" - that made me feel particularly great. The truth is that in medicine no one ever works alone, as part of a team there is not one person who 'saves a life'. Without basic nursing care, continuing medical management & resources the outlook was grim.
We returned an hour later to find the all to familiar & sickening sight of an empty bed, V like my old VA failed to understand the significance (x-ref comment at the end of Curve Ball Blog) & when he asked was upset when the nurses just laughed and told him the little girl had died.
We went to our office, I showed him the Curve Ball Blog, he took photos of me wearing J's glasses which he then posted on K's facebook wall with the message below;
"She is trying to cheer herself up after hearing that one child died without any attention from too busy nurses and doctors(busy or lazy?) I also want to show my upset face but no one took picture for me. If people think about one rule" treat other as we want to be treated" it refers to that if we want life. Other also needs life. Help other people as we want to be helped. Human must be full of mercy and compassion. Please not be too selfish. We have virtue, our image is as god's."
I went to speak with my deputy director - I was already frustrated because all week I had been trying & failing to get the ICU ward to treat a severe asthma patient correctly. ON was great (as always), he asked me if I was depressed - a legitimate question for him as he is one of Cambodia's few specialist psychiatrists. He said that Buddhism says that you should not let your mood go up & down and that I should just concentrate on delivering the message & not focus on whether there is a positive or negative result. He declined my semi-joking request for medication or hospitalization but offered me talking therapy. The subtext of our conversation was - Esther, life is a series of disappointments!
Then Friday evening came & it was the Khmer New Year Hospital Party, there was karaoke, beer & dancing. I dragged ON on the dance floor & we danced most of the night, ON dragged the Hospital director to dance with me for one dance. Even PPF (punch provoking face - as V calls him) danced with me. People were friendly & teaching J & I how to dance properly, we had fun.
So you see life may be a series of disappointments but it is often punctuated with hope, you just have to manage expectations.
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| ON & me rocking on down to some classic khmer tunes |
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